Gurkha Kukri

from by Aubades

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One of my old roommates used to collect knives and told me about the curved kukri knives used by Nepalese Gurkha mercenaries to behead their opponents. The heads sometimes served as trophies. This song is about the desire to emotionally harm another human being because of how they've harmed you, and the desire to prove you can, and how you just hurt yourself in the process, and you're fine with that. By you I mean me, whenever I wrote the full lyrics. I wrote the first tiny element of the tune in November 2013 in the backyard of Bel's birthday party. It was the "with a cigarillo" part, someone handed me one.


From earning
contusion constellations
I could once derive
a selfish pride, a
private slice of sky,
but to be defined
as the cold of space
left me unsatisfied:
to be passionless and
cold myself
and to be unsure.

and I disk defragment
with a cigarillo or a cigarette
mmmmmmmaybe once or twice a month
as recompense
for pain left unexchanged
but latent in your touch.
Oo-why not study for the
things you learn the hard way?
Learn the hard way
and you won't go that way again.

And my heart says,
"I know you
wear me on your sleeve
but that's no reason to
up-and embalm yourself in yearning."
Say I,
"Hold your tongue.
This is what you
wanted; why not arson if
there isn't anyone to
kindle and keep you burning?
I won't keep you burning.
I won't keep you burn---

Self-destruction is
the name of the game, a-a-and
I aim to win.


from /oʊˈbɑːdz/, released December 3, 2015



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